Bonnaroo 2007

Two words: Painfully Beautiful. Bonnaroo has always been known as a hippie fest and yes, it was partly that, but it didn't belay the purpose of the whole thing: Brotherhood. Oh (G)od I said it. NO, I AM NOT BECOMING A HIPPIE!! I am just saying that the air of togetherness at Bonnaroo is unlike anything you will ever experience. There were approximately 80,000 people there, 50 bands, a bunch of vendors, greasy food, beers, and everything that you might expect from a festival.

I had signed up as a volunteer and was supposed to work three shifts of six hours. When you get there, you don't know what you will be doing or what times will be scheduled to you. Turns out that I got three shifts. One checking volunteers in, and two others working in the wireless tent. Dude, get this. They have an AIR CONDITIONED tent with about 18 community computers set up so that you can check your email. Who would want to check their email instead of listening to The White Stripes, I don't know. Eh, to each his own. As a volunteer you put down 250 bucks (the price of a ticket) and when you finish your shifts they pay the money back to you. You get free camping, showers, and "meals." Of course, me being Erin, I wasn't going to actually WORK. Work instead of listen to music and drink tequila?! I think not. In the end, I only ended up working three hours. Onto the good stuff.

First off, it was hotter than a whore in confession and stickier than the floor of the booth. We got lucky because we were camped right next to this cute little home where a nice couple lived and were providing showers. You could walk right over, spend two bucks, and give everyone a little show. Okay, it wasn't that bad, but it WAS just a tarp hanging in front of two shower heads spitting out arctic water.We were camped about a mile away from all the stages and tents ("Centeroo") so it was quite a walk, but a walk that you could bring BEERS with you on. On the way there were all sorts of booths set up selling glass pipes, bongs, water, soda, jewelry, clothing, pizza, corn dogs, dresses, merch, and anything else you can think of. Oh, and POT. Marijuana EVERYWHERE. It was a hippie in denial's (me) dream come true. Even the main Bonnaroo staff were found to be hiding in corners with their glass pieces, choking on smoke and smiling in the heat.

As you walk, people are hooting and hollering for no reason at all. This is part of what I love. You'll be walking down a dirt path and all of a sudden someone will scream "YAAAA BONNAROOOOOOOO!!!!!" and everyone in earshot will scream back "FUCK YEAH DUDE!!! BONNAROOOO!!!!!" There is nothing better. Onto the best part. BANDS. This is who I saw:

Mute Math: This was the first band that I saw and though it was not my type of music, DAMN, the women that this band attract. There was the hottest little pixie chick dancing right next to me with a group of her friends. I didn't really think much of it until I noticed that she kept rubbing up against me and trying to dance with me. So RIGHT as I was about to make my move, I WAS PUSSY BLOCKED!!! YES FOLKS, THIS SO CALLED MYTH IS TRUE!!! There IS such a thing and it happened to me!!! I will not disclose who this person was, but I could tell that he kept trying to move me so that I wasn't behind her anymore. I was so high that I didn't even do anything about it. WTF DID I DO THAT?! I should have kicked him in the balls!!!

Clutch: I respect Clutch. I really do. And I constantly TRY to like their music. And I do. I enjoy the musicality of it all. I love the bluesy velvety rock that they produce, but I CAN'T STAND that guys voice! It's horrible! So I stayed for a few songs and kept walking.

Rodrigo y Gabriela: FLAMENCO METAL! I SHIT YOU NOT! Check 'em out.

THE ROOTS: Holy mother fucking hell. How in the SHIT do I explain The Roots live show? It's pretty much impossible. All I will indulge is the list of bands that they covered. Check it: Bob Dylan, Salt n' Pepa, Sir Mix A Lot, Deep Purple, Snoop Dogg, James Brown, The Police, Biz Markie, TWO LIVE CREW! FACE DOWN ASS UP!, MIMS, Wutang, and ODB. In addition, there was a 30 minute bass jam and a separate 30 minute guitar/vocal jam. There must have been 15 artists on the stage. Respek.

Tool: Tool did just about what I expected. The same old fucking setlist. I do have to say that I love 10,000 Days though. That song is just so beautiful, it makes me want to fucking dissipate into a pile of tiny champagne bubbles or something. I can't even think of a way to describe it. Near the end of the set, Tom Morello came out and played a little bit and that was crazy. It's like hearing a little bit of Rage mixed with TOOL. Hmm. BUT... Here comes the over the top amazing part... DUN DUN DUN... THEY FUCKING PLAYED "FLOOD." FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD.

Ziggy Marley: Good, but not as good as I was expecting. He did two Bob songs.

Franz Ferdinand: They were good. I think? I was lying on the ground letting the tequila melt into my body and glue me to the ground.

The Police: One word: Eh. I watched four songs and left. I wasn't impressed.

GIRL TALK: I can't speak, I can't breath, I can't even remember the show it was so fucking good. I don't remember what he said, I don't remember what I said, I don't remember leaving, I don't remember what was on stage, I don't remember the lighting, I don't remember not remembering. This is what I DO remember. I walked over the the tent wicked early, I wanted a good seat and I wanted a nap. I woke up shivering and walked to the front. I started drinking a backseat potion of tequila, some lemon shit, and something else. It tasted like battery acid. I couldn't finish it, so I gave it to someone else. I smoked a joint. The next thing I remember I am getting lifted in the air and back down.. Lifted in the air and back down. Lifted in the air and back down. Sweaty bodies screaming, the smell of ivory soap and pheromones, people everywhere, huge inflatable champagne bottles, tons of people onstage and the man himself. Mr. Talk. I tried to leave early so I could see the Lips, but I physically couldn't. It was like the laptop was a huge magnet, pulling me back. Good times.

Flaming Lips: Jesus, it just keeps getting better and better. This show was so high energy yet so peaceful and sad. I walked in halfway through their set, so I won't say much. I'll just say what I saw. Laser light pointers. EVERYWHERE. I guess the band had given them to the first ten rows. Huge inflatable orb looking balls floating all over the crowd, varying in size. They played Tangerine! Wayne Coyne. Vocalist? Is that his name? What a sentimental bastard. He was being so sweet. I won't try to put into words what he said. It was just beautiful. Glitter and confetti.

White Stripes: **GROAN OF SEXUAL FANATICAL WONDERFUL PAIN** Can I please have all of Jack White's babies? Even though he is a pretentious bastard? This guitar God. I can't take it. I just can't take it. A cute hippie guy with his girlfriend kept staring at me. I teased him. I pretended not to notice that he was staring at me. He had dreads. God, I love boys with girlfriends. Uhh, by the way, who is going to buy me "Icky Thump?" I need it.

Pluses, minuses (there aren't really any), and inbetweenuses:

• $2 showers, getting naked in front of people I don't know and whom I will never see again
  
• Yellow bus, spraypainted on the side: MISSING TWO DOGS - ONE BLACK, ONE BROWN
  
• DDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
  
• "I smell patchouuuuliiii.." - Maynard
  
• Rich saw Mr. Hanky in one of the porta potties. He loves me and I love you.
  
• Josh and Ben, our neighbors
  
• Microbrew: 420 Ale
  
• "Ugh, its raw in there! It's like a toe vagina!" - Rich
  
• Dill Corn Pops
  
• I volunteered?
  
• America.. FUCK YEAH!!!!!! Sunblock flag on Rich's back.
  
• Kim (hearts) tequila and pizza. Together. And purging?
  
• Guy with dreads standing on the side of the road watching the passersby, empty handed except holding a beer bong. Words written on his chest and his back: "HELP ME GET DRUNK." I didn't have a beer to spare.
  
• We saw a car accident as we were leaving. Written on a dusty car: "We got hit."
  
• Rich got high with the drummer of Tea Leaf Green. He was in the VIP area. Smartypants.
  
• Fountain incident. That's all I'm saying about that. Rich? Kim? Didn't think so.
  
• Spare a nug?
  
• Dr. Evil was the name of our campsite
  
• Bovine Rune
  
• Rich tied a cherry stem with his tongue
  
• Guy running from security. Loses his shoe! Turns back to get it and the security guy just stands there with a huge metal flashlight in his hand. Is faced with the perp. Freezes. Perp gets away. Everyone laughs and goes back to business.
  
• Bohemian Rhapsody
  
• Rich turns to me during the Tool set. "What song are they going to play next?" I totally called it. Can you guess the song?
  
• Rich learned how to sleep standing up. And he did it in the middle of a show. My hero.
  
• Sneezing, snotting, laughing, crying, choking, smiling, smoking, drinking. Debauchery and complete hedonistic behavior. **sigh**