goddamn you, SEPHORA!!

i made the fatal mistake of going to Sephora yesterday before heading to a BBQ to get sunday drunk for the lord.

the place is like a crack den. i've never seen so many women manically snatching up cosmetics, their eyes gleaming like psychotic prostitutes on a binge. they must pump oxygen into that place because i felt like i was in vegas: i turned into an endlessly energized monster, dumping money out of my pockets and grinding my teeth.

the first product that i jawrocked some bitch to pick up was Benefit's Benetint lip-and-cheek stain. i'm pale even when i'm tan and this shit always makes me look like i just got banged. if you need something to even out the zombie-like tone of your pale ass, pick it up.

then i fell for Tarte's line of eyeshadows, which are pretty fucking amazing with ballsy names. although, if i had a line of eyeshadows, i'd stick with raunchy titles like "gangbang", but hell, i'm not in charge here.

then of course, i fell for Urban Decay's line of liquid eyeliners. i heart liquid eyeliner like eleni likes fucking in cars, so i went for this in a heartbeat. they have some saucy colors available so you can switch up that plain old black for something a little more slutty. FINALLY!

now that i'm dead broke and made up like a whore at my job today, i realize that -- much like vegas -- i can never, ever go to sephora again.

SO FUCK YOU SEPHORA AND YOUR TEMPTING BULLSHIT. I'M WEARING WET N' WILD FROM NOW ON!