New Job, New Fabulous Bag!

Things have been busy ladies, hence the lack of Bitch Parading as of late. My days of unemployment bittersweetness have come to an end. I thought it only fitting to remain on the cutting edge of the music industry if going back into the workforce, and when I found that edge is cut from video games you can imagine my unbridled bliss.

Now that I have steady income, I can once again contribute to the fashionista machine. This fabulous Guess Arm Candy satchel in Black is just $90 at Macy's. Or, you can get free shipping both ways from Zappos.

It's good to be back Grrls.

BREAKING NEWS!!

I live in California ... did you know that?
This is my Governor:





This is me: Embarrassed/Offended/Baffled/...Empty?

This post is over.

oh. god. yes.

ok, i have been like...salivating over joel mchale since the day i was born. FUN FACT: his wife's name is Sarah and sometimes when he's on TV he's all "oh sarah, i could never have done any better than you" and that's when i start frenching my TV and essentially slobbering all over the glass because i am so intensely obsessed with the soup.

anyway, the A.V. Club has an interview up with my TV husband and he comes off pretty funny, a little goofy, and even maybe a little normal. worth a read.

Tight Tootsies!

Ladies, summer is here and it's time to get those funked up winter feet back into shape. The creative chicas over at Foot Candy can help you out. This fabulous cherry toe ring is just about the cutest damn thing I've seen. At $16 it's a minor splurge that the underemployed (ahem) can live with.

For those of you with a finer paycheck, you may want to check out this sassy little number. It's the platinum bridal toe ring encrusted with 11 sparkling diamonds. It will run you a measly $1,098.00.

Speaking of amazing women in literature ...

Who'da thought Jane Eyre would be such an amazing book? I expected it to suck, cause it's big and old, and the cover design reminds me of Great Expectations. But I'm eating it up like slurpee with a spoon. Jane is such a little pistol and she knows how to get sassy like a pro.

sarah turns your world upside down - again

I love cake.
There I said it.

I love the way it looks, the way it smells as batter and baked, the way it tastesss, the way it's frosted, glazed, iced, powdered-sugared, sprinkled, sparkled, lit, sliced, the way it crumbles and the look on someone's face when you give them their very own.

That said, our very own Sarah Rose completely changed my perspective on cake with her recently published short story.

It's amazing and grotesque, and touched this little place inside me that was like 'whoa, i dunno if you should be touching me there.' And that's true literary talent.

Read CAKE

Congrats on the publishing Sarah!!

Ice Arrested!

Our favorite little guy Van Winkle was arrested for battery after an argument with his wife over a bedroom set. Here is my interpretation of what the conversation might have been like.

Ice: Damn, you know I said we shoudda gone to Ikea bitch. Now we stuck with this whack Ethan Allen shit. Don't you know the homies always hatin on the EA?

Wife: Shit Ice, you trippin. That Ikea mess only for white college kids. We be some high class muthafuckas. Our shit's some SO-LID OAK bitch!

Ice: What you say to me bitch? What you say? Who you callin white?
(walks up to her with a fringed, purple throw pillow in his hand)

Wife: No, Ice, Ice, Baby! I didn't mean nuthin! We can get that Grevback Series living room if thas what you want baby!
(backing away with handful of paint swatches in her hands)

Ice: It's too late muthafucka! Our shit be in the truck on the way NOW!
(flings throw pillow at her head, messing up her hair)

Wife: Ahh!
(drops paint swatches and throws hands in the air)

Ice: What did five fingaz say to the face??

(Ethan Allen delivery man rings doorbell that chimes "Havin A Roni")

Goodbye "Kats Unemployed" Tag

I got a part time job. It's no resume builder but it will pay (some of) the bills.
In lieu of congratulations, donations can be sent. Contact me for details.

I <3 Meghan Chiampa

Poet, Artist, and Undercover Rockstar Meghan Chiampa is my new fave artist. She is a no bullshit beauty with some hilarious comics.

You can check out her first video blog here to get a sense of what this hot mama is all about. I love it.

This is Your Brain On Botox

A study released today by the Journal of Neuroscience, reports that Botox can indeed travel to the brain from the original injection site.

According to Christopher von Bartheld, MD, at the University of Nevada School of Medicine "it can have significant and long-lasting effects on neuronal function.”

This explains why everyone in Hollywood is fucking crazy!

welcome to hell

thrashing. menacing. psychotic. delicious. dark. damp. explosive.

that's right, i'm talking about pissed jeans, the newest loves of my life (as well as eleni's and soon-to-be-erin's). fact is, there's just nothing as vicious as this band out right now. i'll let this video speak for itself -- pick up Hope for Men and Shallow and listen to it on the way to work every day. it'll get your mind right. or it'll make you totally blow the place up right after you rape your boss. whatever.

this is my favorite song, secret admirer, live at the silent barn in NY.
other tracks to download: don't need smoke to make myself disappear, wachovia.

The fecal position

Alright people, check out THIS news story. This broad had to have a toilet seat removed from her ass. I shit you not. Let's not get cheeky here. Here's the 'skin'ny. She was apparently agoraphobic and couldn't leave the bathroom for two years. Definitely the weirdest news story that I have heard in a loooooooong time. It's a sticky situation.

Go Granny Go!

Nana's not taking any shit! This 80 year old Florida woman attempted to issue a beat down to a cop that pulled her over for making an illegal lane change. When he dished out her ticket, she threw punches! He eventually cuffed her and got her in the squad car, but Angry Granny shimmied her skeletor arms out of them and tossed them out the car window!

What a lady <3

McCain McCaught In Some Shit!

The Co-Chair of John McCain's presidential campaign was fucking indicted today for FRAUD, EXTORTION and, wait for it, MONEY LAUNDERING!

Rick Renzi has been a member of the House for 3 terms. But guess what? He isn't seeking re-election because he's too busy jerking off into piles of money.

Johnny Boy had this to say:
"I'm sorry obviously, you always feel for the family as you know he has 12 children. But I don't know enough of the details or anything to make a judgment-"

Oh. Well, you are completely competent to run the country then.

Happy V-Day!!

Happy Valentines Day everyone!
To celebrate, check out Eve Ensler's organization dedicated to ending violence against women young and old world wide!

I also like to celebrate by drinking lots of Jack Daniels, smoking some weed and gettin it on.
Good luck!

Do A Diddy!

Superbowl is over. Super Tuesday is here!! Get off your ass and exercise your right to make a change!! Then celebrate with lots of booze and drugs that are still legal.
Screw you G Dubs!

Hugo Chavez and Naomi Campbell agree: Fidel Castro's Beard Rules

This is the first Bitch Parade post of 2008. Welcome to the new year, where Naomi Campbell is a journalist and Fidel Castro is the most fashionable world leader.

WTF??

According to the London times, Naomi Campbell has landed a gig with GQ magazine interviewing world leaders, fellow celebrity A-listers and global sporting stars - a.k.a., every one better than you.

Her first interview: Venezuelan leader, Hugo Chavez.

Campbell didn't exactly sock it to the notorious totalitarian communist bastard. Instead, beauty and the beast chatted about how Prince Charles' wife Camilla is ugly, how there's not a single political prisoner in Venezuela, and, oh yeah, HOW FIDEL CASTRO'S BEARD RULES!!!
Highlights:

Chavez asked Campbell: "Do you know Prince Charles?" When the supermodel replied that she had met him and had also known Diana, Princess of Wales, Mr Chavez declared: "I like the Prince. Now he has Camilla, his new girl. She's not attractive is she?"

Mr Chavez also took the opportunity to defend his country's human rights record which has been criticized by human rights groups amid allegations of widespread police brutality, torture and censorship. "We don't have a single political prisoner," he claimed. "We have not shot anyone. I don't think there is any country in the world with more freedom of expression than here."

Asked by Campbell to name the best-dressed world leader, the socialist president, who is a firm friend of Mr Castro, exclaimed: "Fidel, of course! His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished, his beard is elegant."

More gems here: London Times Naomi discovers what Hugo really thinks of Camilla