SupercalafuckingA....

So this 13 year old media whore in training to my right, Morgan Pozgar, just won $25K from LG Electronics Worldwide. You may recognize the LG logo from your cell phone, laptop, refrigerator, television, air conditioner, washing machine..Well you get the idea. Most major corporations such as LG donate various amounts of money to charities and good will programs internationally such as The American Red Cross, Salvation Army, AIDS research organizations and the like. It is money well spent by companies that have extra to give and PR to maintain.

So what, you may ask, did this dewey eyed tween do to gain the attention of the fine, cultural, charitable folks at LG? Surely she must posses superhuman intelligence, maybe has found a cure for cancer in her middle school science lab, or at least saved some puppies from being put down at a local shelter or something right?? (Won't someone think of the puppies!!)

No no no!! Our little Morgan has a talent far more worthy of praise and compensation than any of the afformentioned. This bitch can text the word "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (from "Mary Poppins") in 15 seconds. 15 fucking seconds. Has society truly spiraled this far into an abyss of pop culture, give it to me now, work for nothing, nah nah-istic insipidness? Surely someone as adept and promising as Morgan can shed some light for us. When asked what she would do with her winnings, the gracious and thoughtful Pozgar replied with, "I'm going to go shopping and buy lots of clothes."

Well DUUUUHHH.